I gave myself until the end of January to begin my New Year’s resolutions and spent the month of January in soul searching. Am I fully committed to my choice? Can I follow through?
Yes, you’ve guessed it; one of my New Year’s resolutions is to write a personal blog, a way to recommit to my writing.
Here’s an example of the conversation with myself that led to me writing here today. Yeah, I talk to myself. Don’t you?
Why do I even need to recommit? The answer to that is fear. I am stark, raving, mad with fear that I will fail at this; that no one will ever look at what I’ve written with approval.
How do I even know I can do this writing thing successfully? I don’t. I’m going to have to trust.
But why does “success” matter anyway? Do you know that wonderful poem by Marianne Williamson entitled “Our Deepest Fear” (http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/ ) where she says, “Your playing small does not serve the world”? Not acting at all is certainly playing small, and inaction doesn’t serve anyone at all, least of all myself.
Then synchronicity inserted its gentle presence in a conversation over lunch with a painter friend of mine who spends summers painting landscapes on Monhegan Island. “Sometimes when I paint, I can let go of striving for perfection and it’s as if I become at one with the world. I feel as old as time, as old as the rocks I’m painting and I trust that everything will happen as it should.”
My instinctive reaction was to say, “That’s creativity. That’s the creative process.” Yes, you have to do your work. You have to “show up” regularly to create, and it’s useful to educate yourself on your craft, but when you’re creating, there comes a time to let go, unless you want to tie yourself into paralyzing knots of fear.
This morning the word Trust presented itself to me in another form and I had to admit that this struggle of mine to fully commit to writing is really a struggle to trust myself and the creative process. And if I truly trust this process then I have to do the work. So here I am with my heart on my sleeve making a commitment to trust in myself and the creative process.
“Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.” Rita Mae Brown
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” Nelson Mandela