Posted by: Gwendolyn Huber | July 17, 2018

Zombies and Cancer

I think creatives commonly spend a lot of time trying to get a balance between must dos, like paying the bills, and things that seem a little less urgent, like creativity. I know I’ve written about that struggle here often enough.

When I was younger I thought I’d die if I didn’t create and I didn’t worry if I were good at creating. I needed to do it. And then, as happens, the need to pay the bills became more consuming.

I remember the exact moment I put creating in the back seat. The way I decided my lack of skill meant creating didn’t deserve to drive.

Once on board that bill playing train I did not question the hierarchy of pay bills first and then create if you have time. Until now.

I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2015. Now, I am currently wending my way through all the barbaricness of a third local recurrence.

My little theory about life and cancer (true or not) is that while you can’t necessarily fix it on your own you should do your part.

Needless to say, with each recurrence I’ve done a lot of soul searching. This time more than ever.

Now I’m sitting here wondering whether paying the bills first and then creating if there’s time is backwards. Maybe that younger me was right, that failing to create is toxic – a death sentence.
I will leave you with a quote from an enjoyable series about zombies and cancer.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t fear death, but the shock of it hunting me had settled years ago.” Brooklyn Wheels and Zombies by M.Van

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